Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 1, 2011, at 18:12:36
In reply to Re: ache-- being helpless » hansonfan, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 1, 2011, at 16:52:25
I'm sorry-- immediately after I hit the re-confirm submit button, I wished that I hadn't. I said and shared too much.
I just feel overwhelmed right now-- the time has finally arrived (Feb) that I have been dreading for so long-- I won't go into all of the details why. It gets worse as Feb proceeds and March comes and then April. At this point, Dear God. I want time to stop, and this makes me feel more suicidal. But what I shared that was too much-- those thoughts are always there and have been so almost every day for months. It is about to explode.
And eating. It's all that I think about. Restrict, bad headaches, fogginess, binge, binge, binge. Repeat. It never ends. Jan is gone and no weight lost-- in fact, I would guess I have gained. The more despair, the more food is the only way to help. I am supposed to meet with a nutritionist tomorrow, and am nervous-- how to share all of this with her...things that I have trouble even telling my therapist?
I feel so lost. I see my therapist again on Feb 9-- next Wed. I am already longing for that day. This is not going to keep working. Feb 9 is almost mid Feb. Time is going quickly. How to get out.
And now, it is that lonely feeling, with the night and the rain and being overwhelmed. It feels like an emptiness in the center of my being and makes me want to just sleep on forever. How I long for the morning. a new morning.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:978259
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101228/msgs/978497.html