Posted by Tabitha on December 22, 2010, at 12:19:38
In reply to Re: Has anyone else totaled up the cost? » Tabitha, posted by jane d on December 22, 2010, at 3:02:14
You know, there was some point where I did think of it as necessary medical care that I was fortunate enough to be able to afford. Then as time went on, I realized this doesn't really feel like necessary medical care any more, it's more like self-improvement education. I felt a bit guilty billing insurance for it under that definition, but oh well, might as well take advantage of the system while I can, right?
The perceived benefit has gotten even less over the years, but the cost has kept going up. Lately I find I don't even believe in the premise of a lot of it. I was always skeptical that EMDR, EFT and the long visualization sequences we did actually had any effect. Now I doubt that it's possible or necessary for me to trace the roots of my problems back to the past. How can I really identify cause and effect there? If it's not screamingly obvious I have a hard time buying it. It seems like just an imaginative exercise to make up stories about why I am the way I am.
We spend a lot of time arguing about whether my mood cycles have triggers, and if they do, whether it's possible for me to identify those triggers. After all this time, the only thing I'm relatively certain of is that there's a seasonal aspect to my cycles. This is good enough for me. If after 17 years of trying I don't see evidence for identifiable triggers, isn't it time to conclude there aren't any? I don't understand why that's even controversial.
We spend a lot of time with me arguing and rejecting advice about health & nutrition that I think is bogus, and advice about conducting my relationships that I think will likely backfire.
My life has improved somewhat, but the better I get, the less I attribute it to therapy. It seems like I've had to reject a lot of what she's taught me and learn on my own what really helps. I'd say maybe 30% of it was valuable, 40% was a waste of time, and 30% was possibly harmful.
She seems to believe that if my life has improved, it's proof the therapy works (and I guess proof I still need it). But people do grow up. I see others who have grown and had their careers and relationships improve, and had the drama level in their lives settle down, and they're not in therapy. Some people just mellow, or get better at managing.
At this point I think I'm just hooked on having that special confidante, that empathetic listener, that space to vent & go over my week. But the cost seems disproportionate for that.
poster:Tabitha
thread:974247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/974298.html