Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 22, 2010, at 15:14:59
In reply to Intelligence and bonding in childhood abuse cases, posted by BabyToes on April 21, 2010, at 14:23:34
What you described (in your grandparents) is something Alice Miller calls a "helping witness" Someone who doesn't necessarily know what you are going thru (abuse), but loves you unconditonally. I had that in my grandmother.
Another excellent book is called The Transcendent Child by Lillian Rubin.....that describes all of us who were able to rise above the insanity, not get bogged down by THEIR insanity.
I've written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice to a woman who speaks up against injustice).
Not sure about the intelligence thing; but I think it goes a along way. I KNEW my mother was wrong, and made a vow to NEVER be like her. I kept that vow, and then married a man just like her...for31 years.....then got divorced.
Amazingly, i don't seem to have any emotional issues from a childhood of abuse (physical and verbal), being molested, living in poverty (phone phone, car, refrigerator, bathroom, snow which came in thru a crack in the wall and molested.
Yes you (and I) had a "helping witness."
You sound a lot like me. I went back to school at age 61 (won a scholarship---it wasn't academic, but what I wrote about my life). I wrote a 25-page paper for class which I just submitted to the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma, and it is in the process of review (can't believe that); I joined the army right out of high school and have been "driven" ever since...to make a difference. I've written a book of poetry: Sanctuary of the Soul, and my endodrsements blow me away: Dr. Wayne Dyer, Elie Weisel, Alice Miller, Dr. Larry Dossey, Dr. Ellen Langer, Nikki Giovanni (14 in all). My passion is to get the message out there regarding verbal abuse; I've been on the radio 2 times and may be invited on FOX News.
I am SO proud of you; it just shows how transcendent we can be!
Hugs and Love and HUGE pats on the back, for being an overcomer (I call myself an over comer and wounded helaer)
Oh, I survived spiritual abuse also; my church voted me out of membership, with my name upon a big screen, followed by the words : "Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God." I was able to make someting positive ome out of THAT debacle also....my poetry site with over 17,605 hits.