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Re: Reassurance » catlady

Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2010, at 10:14:07

In reply to Re: Reassurance, posted by catlady on February 27, 2010, at 0:14:28

You've already made some steps in repairing the rupture, and that's good.

But I was wondering about your certainty that this was rejection. I can understand why it would *feel* like rejection, but feelings and understanding don't need to be the same.

You say that you've gotten much better in the two years you've been seeing her. Perhaps she's acknowledging that and thinking that it's time to move to a new stage of therapy. The stage where you start to look outward and rely on her less. And some therapists just aren't so good at dealing with attachment issues, and maybe she's thinking she can't help you with this.

Believe me, I understand how that feels. There is nothing like my therapist edging me to try my wings to make me hurl myself at his knees and wrap myself around his ankles. And it has happened. That my therapist quit trying has more to do with his therapeutic stance than with my powers of persuasion.

Maybe rapprochement might include allowing a good deal of doubt as to whether this is abandonment and even more, rejection. Abandonment can happen for many reasons, but rejection seems to imply that you know she has negative feelings or finds you unworthy or unacceptable. From what you've said, there isn't a lot of evidence for that. In fact it seems very unlikely.

Maybe you could talk with her about her general views about therapy and stages of therapy and long term therapy and termination. If you make it general and not about you, it might be easier to get a general idea about her view of things. Then if she talks about her view of where *you* are in that process, you can put it in better perspective.

And definitely ask her why she thinks another therapist might be able to help you better. For me, I think attachment issues need to be addressed with the therapist you're attached to, and other therapists should be used only if that's impossible. That's what is supposed to be the difference between therapy and other relationships. If you have attachment issues with a romantic interest or a friend, it's not really their responsibility to help you learn to deal with that. But a therapist? This is what they do! This is what they should do. This is part of the whole therapy package, for those who need it.

It would be interesting to hear what she has to say.

But I definitely would not conclude that this is in any way rejection. At *absolute* worst, I would think it was a statement about your therapist and her limitations and strengths.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:937900
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