Posted by deerock on December 12, 2009, at 17:33:32
In reply to Re: trust and therapeautic alliance, posted by Nadezda on December 12, 2009, at 17:17:00
I agree. I am discussing it with her on Tuesday. I am really confused because I was not enraged. I simply shared a fantasy I had that was an enraged fantasy. But I was quite calm and tactful about it. I first asked if it was ok if I shared something disturbing. She said she was ok with it. And then I shared it and she started crying. I was calm while I was saying it but it was pretty messed up since it involved harming something very dear to her.
If someone was afraid of you, Nadezda, would you trust them? If they are scared of you, clearly their opinion of you is that you are potentially dangerous. If someone saw you this way, you would trust them? I don't understand why you're confused about that or trying to parse it out. It's simple, isnt it? If my rageful fantasy was enough to cause her to ask me to seek a consult and consider terminating me, then clearly she thinks that something bad is happening between us. If she is unable to navigate it and steer it to resolution, then I don't feel safe sharing my feelings with her.
Maybe I am confused though. To my mind, saying I am having a fantasy and sharing it in an objective way is quite different than laying out a threat. So I likely need more information about what lead to her feeling unsafe or that something really bad was brewing. Her words were "this is destructive and i do not want to participate in it." she was referring to our relationship.
i guess it falls on me because i seem to have a knack for bringing people to their breaking point. i just didnt think she was ignorant enough to fall for it. and i guess i also didnt realize i was doing it.
poster:deerock
thread:928968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929027.html