Posted by rskontos on October 23, 2009, at 21:11:00
In reply to Re: My therapist acknowledges that I am ugly » rskontos, posted by Dinah on October 16, 2009, at 8:29:42
> It sounds interesting, the exercise retreat. I am very very bad at exercise, and I suspect if I want to lose weight, that is the key. Over the years I've begun to eat less and less, and at this point I don't think my eating really justifies my weight. Although what I do eat is probably mainly carbs. Fitting in exercise is so hard, though. If I have extra time and energy, I think I ought to use it on the doggies or household stuff. Although it might be turning cool soon, and my dog would appreciate some walks. Actually, both would.
> I do think, to a large extent, it is the disconnect. I think it would bother anyone to look in the mirror and see someone they don't recognize as themselves, even if they *liked* what they saw, never mind if they don't. That's why I spend what is for me an outrageous sum getting my hair colored to an approximation of what it was when I was younger. And why I was a real sucker for last summer's clothes that were so much what I wore when I was younger. My therapist got a bit irritated last session because I ask him so often if he sees the me that I really am as well as the physical body in front of him.
> I'm glad you guys see the inner me here. I think that's one reason I like Babble so much, and feel so comfortable here.
> How have you been doing lately? I don't think I'm up to date with you.
The retreat was great. go to www.t-tapp.com you can even try it before you buy it through the links on the website. It has a 15 minutes program that works great. It is what i am doing although at the Retreat we exercised much longer but with lots of breaks.
I am doing better. It is hard though, not being blended I often feel like that character in the play on Broadway where one side of the face is one character and on the only is a different facade. That is how I feel I will be upbeat and positive and moving forward and then I try to hide in my head/shell from the world. I did open myself up in ways I haven't done and my Dr. S was so amazed. He said we were finally ready to try and uncover my repressed memories. He felt like I had enough trust that we could try to uncover my repressed memories. I am nervous about it but I am ready to move forward and live for a change. I found a new primary doc who has made a world of difference in me. It is amazing when you get some of your physcial issues addressed you feel better and can face more. that is how i am. I still have a ways to go before my body completely heals but I am on the right path with the right doc. And my Dr. S is helping me with my voices in my head. I feel different these days. Mostly better. Fewer bad days. But now on bad days I made friends IRL that reach out to me it is like they sense my backward roll and reach out to say hey I am here for you. I met them at the Retreat. I actually opened up to them and now they are real friends. I called one today because I needed that reconnection.
I hope you are doing better. I have been missing here but every now and then I peak in. I just rarely post but your post really got to me. I want you to feel good about yourself.
You are a good person. But I know how hard it is too see things about yourself in a good light. I constantly struggle with this.