Posted by moonshadow on September 28, 2009, at 18:28:30
I feel weird about posting this, but I don't know where else to go for advice.
I've been seeing my new pdoc/T for about 11 weeks now. For a long time, I felt like she really didn't like me or was annoyed at me. Also, for many of those sessions, I would dissociate like crazy. I didn't trust her, and I felt uncomfortable.
For the past two sessions, I haven't dissociated at all, and actually feel that she may, indeed, like me, at least a little. Or at least that I don't annoy her. I also recently brought up the fact that I did feel like I annoyed her, which was a good discussion.
I feel stuck, like what is going to happen if I dissociate again? Will she get annoyed? Am I prohibited from dissociating? (Of course she'd say no, but she seems so much...happier, nicer, kinder when I don't dissociate). The thing I don't think she understands is that when I dissociate, I'm able to deal with topics in a very raw, real way. It helps me access emotions that I won't when I'm fully present. But I'm scared to explore that, or to go to subjects where I know I will dissociate. She hasn't said "dissociation is bad", but she doesn't like it when I get upset in sessions - she stops asking questions and it gets weird.
poster:moonshadow
thread:918867
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/918867.html