Posted by fleeting flutterby on September 10, 2009, at 10:14:24
In reply to Is your therapist nurturing?, posted by rickjen on September 9, 2009, at 19:22:18
> ... My wife urged me into counseling saying I would get "comforting and understanding". I have seen a psychologist 4x now and don't find him nurturing or comforting at all. He just listens. Is your therapist nurturing? Does a therapist have to be nurturing to help you? I am new at this and so have nothing to go by. What should one look for in a therapist? Nurturing, comforting? What? I went into it under those pretenses but that is not what I am experiencing. So am a bit confused. ps he isn't abusive, just isn't nurturing or comforting. Doesn't say things to ease the pain. Just listens as I pour my heart out. Sits there while I ramble on.<<
---flutterby: You ask good questions, ones that I believe only you can answer. What do you need? What will make you feel more like sharing the "difficult stuff"?
I venture to guess that you are male?.... I bet it's more important to have a T. that is a bit warmer and validating for males, as they rarely get that out with friends, neighbors and family. "Suck it up", "don't complain" are some things they might encounter when trying to share with friends and/or family. So I can see where it might be very helpful to get that from somewhere else--- heck, almost everyone needs a warm shoulder sometime.
I never had any nurturing as a child, and was not allowed to show any feelings except happy, was not comforted after traumas and told to never talk about any of it. To me 'just listening'(I posted a part of an article about it on this forum) does as much damage as someone laughing at me or saying to 'suck it up'.... it's no help at all, for where I'm coming from. I haven't a single friend- IRL-(extreme schizotypal and PTSD complex) so I don't have a warm shoulder to lean on out there... I think the T. I see is being that warm shoulder I've so needed my whole life.
For some they don't need that-- but for others they have none of it anywhere else.
I had a T. like yours-- struggled with him for more than three years -- the T. I have now(she's warm and understanding) has me feeling better in less than two years time.... something I think would have taken 10 years, if ever, with the 'just listening' T. I used to see.(I so never trusted him and his quietness--I always felt so invisible.... just like when I was a child)We are all different, there is no "one size fits all" for therapy. I think what's important for you is to look inside yourself and realize what feels best to you.
wishing you luck,
flutterby
poster:fleeting flutterby
thread:916241
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/916329.html