Posted by Daisym on August 10, 2009, at 0:07:49
In reply to Disappointment or Relief?, posted by antigua3 on August 9, 2009, at 13:36:46
I think some things just explode out - blurting, by definition, lacks planning. But some part of you needed it out there - no matter what. I can hear it, "no more secrets! No more secrets!"
It is interesting that on the one hand, you worry about hurting your mom and on the other, you are aware that she thinks she did the best she could. Part of what I allow for my own mom, is that they grew up in a time when family secrets were never shared, and it was the woman's job to keep up appearances, NO MATTER WHAT. I'm not agreeing this was the right thing but we should try to remember that even therapists didn't "believe" the sexual abuse was "real" until about the 1980s.
And yet - "I did the best I could" is so hurtful. I wish often mine would say, "I'm so sorry that you were hurt" or "How can I help now?" or even, "That B#$sta@d!" But I know she won't so I've never told her.
I'm not surprised there is fall out after you spend time with her. I imagine your psyche and your body are remembering all those "afters" when she wasn't there for you. How exhausting.
I can't help but wonder what your pdoc will say about your telling. Be gentle with yourself this week.
poster:Daisym
thread:911138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/911240.html