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Re: Managing a therapeutic relationship emilyp

Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 9:16:05

In reply to Managing a therapeutic relationship, posted by emilyp on August 4, 2009, at 23:00:25

Do you have any?

FWIW, my therapist says that the same things that cause me distress allow me to be helped by therapy. He thinks it's good for people to feel attached, even if feeling attached causes pain. I don't really understand that. To me the solution to pain is to care less or be less attached. That seems perfectly logical to me. How to be strongly attached and minimize pain is something he tries to explain but I honestly don't understand what the heck he's talking about.

I think short term separations are different from long term ones. For me the key in short term separations is object constancy. I always knew that knowing where he was going helped me, because it gave me a place to put him. Otherwise it seemed like Poof! he was going on vacation and therefore he would disappear. He wasn't here so he was gone. I suppose it would help to be able to hold him in my mind without knowing where he's going, but it seems beyond my abilities at this point. That actually helps more than having a picture of him or a meditation tape he made for me that has his voice on it. Which is kind of weird when you think about it.

Both short term and long term, I'd think distraction would help. Both distraction in terms of the mind, like games or activities, and distractions of the emotions, like dogs or friends or loved ones.

My therapist says that people with a wide support system who care about a lot of people feel better about loss. I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do with that.

Seldom Seen wrote a lovely post about how to cope with therapist loss.

Hmmm... sounds like my ideas are all "x said"'s. Other than distraction, I haven't found them particularly achievable for me yet. Maybe my brain is too limited.

Overall, I've worked hard for the relationship I have with my therapist. I think it's helped me in very important ways. And I think I'm a fool for working so hard at something that will inevitably cause me pain, even if it is helpful now.

 

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