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Re: A serious impasse littlegirllost

Posted by Daisym on July 28, 2009, at 21:06:54

In reply to A serious impasse, posted by littlegirllost on July 28, 2009, at 19:48:39

You don't really sound stuck - you sound more like you've lost trust in your therapist and lost a safe place to discuss things. If something like this had happened with anyone else, she would be the person you'd be talking to about it. Since the issue is with her, it leaves you at a loss.

I think it is a developmental stage in therapy and in life. Something BIG happens and we realize that our parents, and our therapists are humans. And as humans, they let us down. They make mistakes and they aren't always capable of being as steady and consistent as we need them to be.

I asked my therapist recently about counseling a couple where one person had an affair and the other person can't get over it. So every session is an expression of the hurt and anger. How, I asked, do you help that person move past it and how do you help the other one tolerate all the guilt and shame that comes up everytime they talk about the mistake? He said that you have to let the angry person keep expressing their anger and their grief, and the one who made the mistake has to listen. And then they get a turn to say, "I'm sorry, I screwed up" again and again. But it can take months, until the anger runs its course and much, much longer for trust to be rebuilt.

I think you are going to have to be honest about how upset you still are about her change. Of course she is entitled to make a change but it may or may not work for her clients. Some will work through it and some will leave. Because changes also point up the power differential in the relationship and the real precarious nature of investing so much emotionally in a person who has no reciprocal "need" for you. It is a painful, awful truth. And it hurts so, so much.

Keeping it all inside to spare her feelings will not help you. But if you can really speak your truth about it, you will probably find this a growth opportunity. That doesn't mean it will ever be the same - and in the end, you may reach the conclusion that it is time to move to a new therapist. But hopefully, you can find a new depth to your relationship - not just her understanding you, but you understanding her too.

All that said, I'm sorry for where you are. It really and truly is such a painful place. I'm hope you feel the support I'm sending out to you.




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