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Re: finding a new therapist, 'interviewing' them friesandcoke

Posted by Nadezda on July 23, 2009, at 11:12:34

In reply to finding a new therapist, 'interviewing' them, posted by friesandcoke on July 21, 2009, at 22:12:53

Hi, Fries.

You seem to know what you're looking for--- and what makes you uncomfortable. There are two contradictory thoughts I have-- one of which is, are you being too quick to judge negatively, on what might be incidental things? On the other hand, I do agree with others that the fit between you and your T is crucial and that it's important not to stay with someone that you can't open up to.

I have to say, personally, that I question her looking through a file cabinet while in an appointment. Especially with a new patient-- or someone she hasn't been seeing for ages-- (and even then it's a bit much)-- so I do wonder about her sense of what type of concentration and interaction is necessary. On the other hand, the sandals/pedal-pusher thing-- while not my taste-- is less important. What worries me more is that her affect seemed to disturb you-- the intense reactions, and overly open surprise or wonder. I think the emotional context is the most important thing-- whether you feel you can rely on and be safe enough with someone, or have the right kind of boundaries. If she communicated that she's not up to dealing with your problems, or that she's too naive / or being too "friend"-like-- it might over time really not be right for you.

You strike me as having very high standards, and really needing someone who can meet them. And while it might make it harder for you to find the right T, I would at least continue to look, although it doesn't hurt, either, to go back at least once, to reestablish how you and she are together.

Good luck, though-- finding the right T can take a lot of looking-- but it really is worth it, in the end.





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