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finding a new therapist, 'interviewing' them

Posted by friesandcoke on July 21, 2009, at 22:12:53

I went to yet another therapist today to meet for the first time. This is the third one I have "interviewed" in looking for one. They are all getting paid for this initial visit. The third one was the best so far of the 3 I have met. However even with her I noticed a couple of things that really did turn me off. And I am asking this group to be honest to see if these things are valid points by which to "judge" a T. None of these are major issues but I look at them all together and it to me seems strange to have so many little things from one person. I liked talking to her. However this is the second T to be wearing sandles and during the session taking her sandles off and being barefooted. She was also dressed with an oufit that looked like it was more fit for someone to wear to the grocery store. She wasn't dirty but her clothing choice ( peddle pushers and a sloppy top with some wierd necklace that didn't match) with sandles. It was more an outfit I would wear if no one cared how I looked. And from what I have read, how a therapist dresses is something they should be concerned about since it sends a message. Secondly when I came into the office and sat down, she started what was our first time interview with her going through a file cabinet and not even looking at me. I told her I would wait until she was finished going through the file cabinet. She said, "oh, it's OK, you can still talk". To which I said, "I would like to make eye contact". I don't think talking to a T you just met while she is going through a file cabinet is respectful to me or any other patient. My mother was a badly battered wife. She asked me "what took her so long to get out of the marriage". I was kind of shocked at that question because anyone know knows anything about battered women knows these women are being held hostage by the batterer. When you being beaten up daily by someone and have 4 children and no job skills, "getting out of the marriage" sounds like it is a decision that can be made on the spot and you just do it. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. And I said as much to her. I told her I was there to work on my self esteem and self confidence as I had some things in my life that I wanted to change and my self esteem and confidence were holding me back. She was asking questions and all this family drama stuff was coming out. That is OK but she seemed so in awe that I had endured all this drama in my family. Her sence of being awestruck made me uncomfortable. I don't want a therapist to make me feel uncomfortable about my issues. For example during a tantrum my teenaged brother once stuck me with a fork during dinner. Somehow this came out as she was asking about how my siblings behaved growing up and when I told her that she was aghast. Sure, it was shocking but is a therapist supposed to act shocked? And when I left she said, "see you next time". Now please, I am not looking for reasons not to go back. I did make another appointment. But I have worked in the business world and when I have met people for the first time it has always been customary to say, "It was nice meeting you". This was my first visit with her and she didn't say anything like that. I was embarrased that she seemed so overcome with my family history of father beating mother and the domestic violence in the home. How much emotion is a therapist supposed to show? She was not crying or freaking out but aren't they supposed to keep their cool? I was in a licensed profession for a while where I had to interview people as part of my job to provide them with a service (not for counseling) and if they told me things that were upsetting which they did, I made it a point to not make them feel uncomfortable about it. I wouldn't say she was deliberately making me feel embarrased but if I am telling a therapist about domestic violence that is something a therapist would be hearing about. I wouldn't tell that to my dentist and expect the same reaction as I would from a therapist. Comments please.




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poster:friesandcoke thread:907854