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Re: male or female therapist... deerock

Posted by fleeting flutterby on July 15, 2009, at 10:21:53

In reply to male or female therapist..., posted by deerock on July 13, 2009, at 13:59:31

> i have a female therapist. i am male. i have all kinds of issues with my mom and based on my behavior over the years, it seems like i have issues with women in general.<<

---flutterby: heh, this is me-- just flipped 180 degrees. I have issues with men in general.

> i have a good relationship with my therapist. however, she is not very directive and sometimes soft spoken. i often realize that i think she is talking nonsense or psychobabble and then sometimes several days later, possibly other times not at all, i realize she is just talking softly and im so high strung its not registering. or she is saying something in an indirect way so as not to come at me head on and set me off and i start to think she is not making sense...only to realize she is making a lot of sense. i wonder how much i have missed because of this, in terms of her attempts to communicate with me.<<

---flutterby: Yes, the T. I used to see, a male, was in your face, stern and his voice would bellow.... I found myself dissociating and resenting him, as I felt him, like the men throughout my life, are arrogant, controlling and belittling.

> i often get very upset with her. i have told her she is incompetent, that she is wasting my time and money...all kinds of things.<<

----flutterby: I could never confront my former T. as I put myself back in that frame of mind of being "less than", I was so uncomfortable. Looking back it's amazing how the old tapes came right up front, when I'd be around him. Maybe those are your old tapes coming up to you?

> i am starting to wonder, if my mom/woman issues are getting in the way of my therapy. maybe this is exactly what i need. maybe if someone comes at me head on, it would be even worse. it certainly feels like that is what i need. i raise these issues with her. we talk about them.<<

----flutterby: maybe it is what you need--- at least it's NOT umcomfortable. sounds like she is so nice to not get offended by your insults.(maybe too nice?)

> im meeting with a man therapist wed for a consult. ive been really angry at my current therapist for what seems like several months now. she wants to work on it. i keep feeling like this anger is preventing us from making progress.<<

---flutterby: that could be. I found that seeing a female now is helping me. as we talk about men and she is.... I think, trying to get me to see them in a healthier light--- which I don't believe a male therapist could have done, as I was too triggered by past/childhood history and would find myself back in the "scared, lost child" mode. :o(
(though, it's odd because my mother was the main abuser.... *shrugs*... think I'm complicated)

> and its dawning on me. a lot of this anger has to do with her being a woman. she lets me get away with things it seems. some of the stuff i have said about how bad a therapist she is, she just takes it.<<

----flutterby: yea, sadly it seems society teaches women to be more a dooormat than men ever will be. Men are taught they are right, and to fight.....

> im just not sure i respect the opinion of a woman (i know this is sad, im not trying to be a tough guy here). and i have been wondering for a long time now if this is holding me back or if its what i need to be facing<<

---flutterby: It is a quandry. I think the best way to find out could be to switch T.s and start seeing a male and then I bet within a few months time you'll be able to tell if going back to a woman T. would be beneficial or not.

--- on a side note-- The T. I see (she's female) I KNOW she would never just take those things that you said to your T. NO way! I think she would have confronted you and said something like-- "well if you're so smart, how come you're sitting on that couch and I'm sitting at this desk?" She can be powerful, not letting her integrity suffer and yet be supportive.

anyway-- good luck and let us know how things go.





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