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My therapist fired me-long but PLEASE HELP!

Posted by Kim on July 6, 2009, at 1:44:02

I have been seeing the same therapist for almost 10 years. He has gotten me through some really major rough depression spots in my life. My depresson seems to by cyclic and so there are times when I "need" him more and sometimes less; he's always been helpful in adjusting my visits as I need them- one week, two weeks, etc.

In that amount of time we've developed what (I THOUGHT) was a close working relationship. We had some problems with my insurance and he told me not to worry, that he'd be there for me,even if the insurance wouldn't pay we'd work something out.

Monday I was DEVASTATED to receive a totally impersonal letter saying that since I hadn't rescheduled my last appointment he was assuming I was no longer going to be seeing him,blah-blah-blah. The letter was dated exactly ONE WEEK after I had canceled my last appointment. (I've been seeing him every other week for the past year or so.)

My husband canceled my last appointment because I was in the middle of a major meltdown. I asked him to tell them I'd be in on my next scheduled appointment (this Wednesday--we have a standing time) - but apparently he said I'd call them back to reschedule. In the meantime I was figuring I would just show up this week like always and he'd be there.

I immediately called his office and they rescheduled me (into my own still-empty slot). I guess I sounded a little unhinged (a lot unhinged was more like it) so he called back and left a msg on my voicemail that he hadn't meant to upset me.

OK. I believe he wasn't trying to upset me. But now I can't figure out what he IS trying to do. I just can't believe that this is really, truly about my not rescheduling. This is a small city. He is in private practice and shares a secretary/receptionist with three other doctors. I KNOW either he or the secretary had timme to call and ask me to reschedule.

All I can think is WHY IS HE REALLY DOING THIS TO ME? Is the appointment issue an easy out for him to dump me? Or does he think it's an easy out for me to dump him? I don't get it and I don't believe it. It was like a two sentence form letter after ten years.

I called back and canceled my reschedule and left a msg that I would be sending him a letter. I've written and re-written it so I think it says what I thinnk I need to say. I ended by saying if he thought there was anhyting to be gained by discussing the issue, to please have someone call me about rescheduling.

I don't want to squeeze myself in where I'm not wanted. THIS IS SO TREMENDOUSLY HURTFUL TO ME! I feel betrayed--he knows that I am going through some rough times in my life and starting to slip. Has he decided I'm too muchh trouble? I'm not a high-maintenance patient. I don't know what's behind this, it has to be something more, I just feel like it has to be.

He knows it took me close to a year before I could really open up and talk to him. I FEEL SO BETRAYED! I TRUSTED HIM TO BE HERE. HE SAID HE WOULD BE HERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Even if he reads the letter and wants to talk about it, I'm not sure I can feel the same security in talking to him. So I feel like I am screwed (sorry for the language) either way.

I am bouncing back and forth through all the stages of grief over this and I don't know what to do. I just don't. know. what. to. do.

It is very difficult to find a new therapist who accepts my crappy insurance and who isn't paranoid about my weird med combo (which isn't prescribed by my therapist--I have to see a PDoc for "medication management).

I can't start over with a new therapist. I won't. It's too hard for me to develop the kind of trust I need to have. It takes too long.

Now I wonder how much of the past 10 years have been a fake on his part. I know i"m going on, but I am SO HURT and now I'm left with NO ONE TO TALk TO ABOUT IT. --tears---sobs--tears--




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