Posted by deerock on July 1, 2009, at 15:52:02
ive posted something similar to this in the past and its coming up again.
ive been working with an analyst for 17 mnths 3x per week. i like her, she seems to listen and try to help me as best she can.
i was a pot addict for years. i got clean for 18 months. i went to her because i wanted to make better decisions around self care (go to the gym, eat better, lose weight, stay off pot).
I became so frustrated with the process of analysis, i always complained to her that it wasnt working, she would say it was i just didnt want to believe it. i eventually picked up pot again. and now i use it daily and cannot stop. i still go there 3x per week saying help help im drowning and she talks to me about whats going on and what feelings i am medicating (mostly anxiety due to career change, family drama/trauma, and feeling like i am a failure).
i keep telling her that it seems analysis is too passive and i need someone else and i want to go to the CBT therapist who can focus on the pot use and help me get over it. she tells me she thinks i should stay. i start to lose trust in her because she is telling me to stay, im saying its not working, harming myself, cant stop and go to her for help and it doesnt help, the behavior continues.
so i want to stop the pot and focus on improving my life and accepting my life. however, it seems that with her, its not working.
i told her, it could be, given that im male, she is female and 50 and my mom is 50 that i could be having trouble with her because i project my mom into her. she asked why i thought that and i said i did it to many older women. so as i became aware of this, all i wanted to do was smoke more pot...instead of trying to understand it instead of continuing to work with her.
so maybe i need a make therapist? maybe i need only CBT? maybe i need to stay with her and keep trying?