Posted by garnet71 on June 30, 2009, at 18:37:32
In reply to Re: Suddenly develop Dependent Personality Disorder? » garnet71, posted by Daisym on June 30, 2009, at 0:11:57
It's just very strange for something to manifest like this at my age. I am aware that the underlying feelings must have somehow always been inside me. My mother didn't want to have kids, used bc w/all 3 of us..I think she felt trapped because of us. She had all of us w/in 3 years; she may have had post-partum depression for all I know.
I told this T during our first meeting, I feel I never attached to my mother. Since then, I have read a bit about attachment theory, and Birdsong posted some good information. I would be classified as the insecure attachment type, like many of us who had childhood trauma. When an infant looks at mother while being held, and mother is depressed, the lack of attachment can happen. It can happen from neglect. it can happen from all sorts of reasons. I even read that the mother's pupil size can affect the infant's attachment. I always remember my father's pupils being small when he was angry all the time. I always wondered why always have to talk about the size of people's pupils all the time, and notice fluctuations w/in my own. lol
I've been wondering if I have had an extreme disassociation all these years, because nothing really has manifested in my life as a result of this, at least not in non-subtle ways.
It's not difficult to see how draining this could be to a therapist in psychodynamic therapy. I read about transferenced-based therapy for this sort of thing...wondering if anyone has tried it.
I"m not sure if I should open up to this or just leave it all inside, putting it back where it came from. I do know that extreme stress has taken away my ability to cope, maybe even my hard-wired emotional defenses.
Maybe it happened with him because I have finally awakened to the fact I can no longer cope with life stressors w/o help, and decided it was necessary for me to trust someone--and he just happened to be the next person to come along. I did have a fantasy he was going to be the one to make me well again, help me get back to the person I 'once was', a person w/o depression and anxiety too, and cope and deal and turn my life around like I have so many times; I idealized him before I met him. But he sure does have a way about him that I found incredibly appealing--i immediately felt safe with him.
poster:garnet71
thread:903860
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/904020.html