Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: my therapist is taking a new position

Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on April 26, 2009, at 18:40:07

In reply to my therapist is taking a new position, posted by desolationrower on April 25, 2009, at 1:52:15

((((((((((((((d/r)))))))))))))

If you don't do hugs well, does that mean you don't accept them? :-) Because I really want to give you one now.

I empathize--it's hard figuring this stuff out, and especially, I think it is quite hard to find a therapist who fits, and once you do, its a bummer when that person is moving on.

Can you ring up your therapist and ask her if this is her way of seeing that you might do better with someone else? Therapeutically, I think doing so would be very good for you. There are a lot of social and coping skills that have to be employed to do that.

I think, part of us being healthy individuals in the world is to recognize our own needs and to let go of having to be in charge of others' needs. If you ask your therapist what this means, it is her own responsibility if she feels bad as a result. And if she does feel badly--she isn't that great of a therapist then, is she? She is human, yes, but she has been (ideally) trained to learn to separate her feelings from the client's needs.

And too, if really, part of this is that she wants you to see someone else, then she isn't that great of a therapist b/c she hasn't come out and said that--she hasn't been direct with you. So by asking her, you are using coping skills *and* getting to know more about her own skills.

I hear from your post that you are also afraid of hearing that the therapeutic relationship isn't working. I get that...but there are probably other qualified therapists in your area that are your age, that you would do well with, no? What routes have taken to find a psychologist? I would actually call around to agencies with a list of prepared questions. I have rung up psychologists and said things like, "I am looking for a new therapy relationship, and, if you are accepting new patients, would like to ask you a few questions..." And if I were you, I would say, "I think I need someone more my age. I don't want to ask an intrusive question, but why don't I tell you my age." And if the person is way too old, you can ask for advice in finding someone in your age range.

Coaching may be a good idea, too, although insurance never pays for it. Coaches are goal-oriented: you work with a coach to build goals for yourself in your life, and then work on those goals, using your coach as a motivator and tool-provider. So its not at all about talking about your troubles; its really about goals and education and motivation. Like you, I would like to go that route...I wish that I could afford it.

I hope I'm been some help to you in some way. You are obviously such a valuable member of this community; you are generous in your help and genius in your suggestions.

Any new thoughts about this situation with your therapist?


> she said she can bring over current clients, but maybe its a good time to think about if i want to continue. i'm not sure if shes trying to say i might do better with someone else? or maybe she just wants to focus on some different issues - the place she'll be working does eating disorders, which i don't have. although other than that, i had orginially thought her interests looked like what i needed, and i don't feel all that far from 'eating disorders' - i think they are very much about trying to change yourself so others like you, and i think i do quite a lot of self-focused behavioral checking because i'm very aware of what type of behaviours people like and which they don't.
>
> so i'm not sure if maybe i should try a new therapist? i sort of hate asking her more directly, she's not that experienced (although i wanted someone about my age, as the transference in the previous tpist was like talking to a parent, and that isn't the kind of relationship i have problems with), so i guess i feel like i don't want to talk about things because it might end with us deciding she's not helping me. i guess thats not really a good way to think of therapist-client relationship, but its probably not unusual for me, i don't really fear other's disapprobation so much as i fear creeping others out or making them feel bad.
>
> has anyone any advice or experience with this. its probably worht noting i don't have trouble forming a relationship or opening up at all. i have had one therapist i thought was a douchebag so i only saw him twice.
>
> also i've often thought i'd be much more helped by a therapist or life coach or something who instead of going to an office, we went to a coffee shop or bar and he or she just did real-life kind of socializing where we'd talk a bit and then they'd help me start conversations with people. do any therapists do something like that? since exposure didn't really work and was very unpleasant i've quit doing it and probably can't even force myself to anymore.
>
> -d/r


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Amelia_in_StPaul thread:892684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/892934.html