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Re: Child neglect

Posted by yellowbird01 on March 29, 2009, at 12:59:51

In reply to Re: Child neglect, posted by Cass on March 28, 2009, at 22:49:06

Thank you everyone for responding to me. I'm feeling really guilty and beating myself up a bit because of this pattern I seem to have (at least my last 2 posts) of posting and not responding back for awhile. It's not because I'm not reading your responses... I am! I just feel like my world is spinning and I cant get my head together enough to respond meaningfully most of the time. Therapy is very, very hard right now, and my job is particularly stressful and busy right now. I dont mean to make an excuse... just an explanation, I guess. I'm sorry if anyone feels that their responses arent being valued.. they very much are.

I will definitely look at the books and other things you all have suggested. My T is supposed to be looking this week as well so hopefully she'll have found some good stuff too. When I think of my childhood right now, of the things my parents did (and didnt do!), I dont feel much emotion at all. Just the facts. But I've noticed that since my session with T last week, I'm very sensitive and a bit raw. The oddest things have hit me in a painful way this week... for instance, hearing a coworker mention planning to call her mother about something - it wasnt even a big thing! I've heard people say that a million times before. But this week, it hit me in a different way. Aloneness. The fact that I could never, ever call my mother for something real. I guess that all means that the emotions really are there, and theyre getting close to the surface. That's scary.

I agree with what you all said about the difficulty of neglect. I really relate to what was said about the issue of denying it was really "that bad" in order to protect yourself from the hurt of admitting that it really was bad.... because if it really was that bad, what does that mean about me? About my worthiness? I have a brother who is 8 years younger than me and was doted on VERY much by my mother. Probably to the extent that it was unhealthy as well, but it's hard not to just see it is... "she loved him SO much, and just ignored me because I wasnt good enough. I wasnt as good as him." I know intellectually that this isnt true, and it's about my parents issues, not about me.. but that can be hard.

I'm honestly scared to go back to therapy Tuesday. Not because of anything that happened last week... just because so much is being stirred up. I'm not afraid of therapy itself, I'm afraid of going back home after therapy.

Fun fun fun.

 

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