Posted by sharon7 on February 17, 2009, at 17:12:42
Hey. I had told a couple of you that I would send an update about my therapy session on Friday. (This is after I went to see my T last Tuesday and for the first time was able to discuss my feelings/the transference with her.)
We had another productive session on Friday. Pretty much continued where we left off. I guess the only thing I'll mention is, she said something like (helping me to find the words, I think,) "it was difficult for you to say how you felt about me?" I said "Yes." She said "It's scary for you to feel and care for someone," and I was like "Yes. It's very scary (and risky.) It's like a double-edged sword. I know the day will come [this is about the time my eyes filled with tears and my voice started to crack] when I won't get to see you anymore." She could hardly get the words out fast enough to tell me "but when that time comes, you'll be ready." I asked her "So is the fact that even just the thought of not being able to see you anymore is so upsetting, proof I'm not ready?" She said "Yes, that's right." Then I felt much better, but it still makes me sad if I think about it.
So I guess that's about it. It still makes me really sad to think about not seeing her anymore, but I guess I'm not supposed to be thinking about that and just trusting that she is right when she says she won't leave me until I'm ready.
Thanks for caring. I've been a bit depressed the past few days. Maybe just a bit of a hangover from the high I had last week after finally being able to have "the discussion" with my T. I'll be glad when Thursday gets here (when I go back.) I'm also still having a great deal of trouble with substance abuse and am almost "out." That's really scary for me. I hope I can resist because I want my T to be proud of me for quitting. She's not happy about it right now.
Thanks for your support. (o:
Sharon
poster:sharon7
thread:880764
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/880764.html