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Re: It happened :-( {{Kath}} » Kath

Posted by fayeroe on January 6, 2009, at 12:21:46

In reply to Re: It happened :-( {{Kath}} » fayeroe, posted by Kath on January 6, 2009, at 11:17:31

> >I had to change.
>
> ~ ~ I know I have to change. I want to change & become strongly grounded. To be strong & full in my OWN self & in my own life.

Change is hard but the results are so nice.
>
> ~ ~ I made that one phone call. I made the decision last night that I won't make more. I find it appalling that he might not phone to let his boss know that he can't continue. I find it appalling that he can't keep this job, which he loved. Part of me knows it's all HIS thing. That's the part that I have to strengthen & tune in to.

I recommend that you tell your son that you will not make one more call for him about anything. Loving a job doesn't mean you can keep it if you are "maintaining with cocaine". There will be other jobs. I suspect that he would not have kept this one much longer. These are life lessons for him. You've already learned yours. It is his turn now!
>
> >Does your son have a sponsor?
>
> ~ ~ No. He doesn't. He doesn't go to a 12 step program. He has had his first appointment with a local Substance Abuse organization, but his goal isn't abstinence, unfortunately.

I have to say this, Kath, until this manchild knows that you will refuse to shovel up his messes, he doesn't have to abstain from anything.
>
> > Kath, I can hear the fear and exhaustion in your voice. Please call an Al-Anon member and talk to her/him and if you can, make that meeting.
>
> ~ ~ Yes - fear & exhaustion & bleakness. I didn't make the meeting because my husband & I talked for a long time after he got home. I'm going to find out today when there's a meeting in my own town. That one was the next town. Tonight I'm going to a CBT Intro meeting a few minutes away from me. It's through the mental health association family group for young people with schizophrenia/bi-polar/drug problems etc. The people are very nice & supportive & it's just moved back to my town. I found it too much of a hurdle to travel to it when they'd moved it to the next town.

Great news on the group moving back! Go everytime the door opens! Like my sisters go to church. :-)
>
>
> > This is one of the hardest things that you'll ever do, but I believe that you can do it.
>
> ~ ~ What part? Going to Al-Anon & re-building my mind-set to those kind of thoughts? Just not sure what you're referring to. :-)

You will be able to drop the co-dependency and focus upon yourself and your life. You will see your son make his own choices and face the consequences and you will not lose sleep and serenity over it!!!
>
> > {{{{{{Kath}}}}} xoxoxo Pat
>
> ~ ~ Thanks Pat. You're very kind. I feel like a 'bad kid' because I already know some of these things. I think I'm just very worn down. I appreciate your support & kindness & thank you for taking the time & energy of talking with me.

You aren't a bad kid. You're a mom who is tied in knots by a child who knows how to work you. It happens to lots and lots of parents worldwide. Right now, somewhere, someone else is pulling their hair out and screaming, "why me?" :-)
>
> luv, Kath

 

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poster:fayeroe thread:872385
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872498.html