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Re: I'm not going to be confused! » antigua3

Posted by DAisym on December 26, 2008, at 23:21:24

In reply to I'm not going to be confused!, posted by antigua3 on December 26, 2008, at 22:37:28

Antigua,

Write it down. It is short - type it big and take it with you. This is so important. I really want you to say it. And then wait, don't rush in and try and take it back. I'm sure you will be scared, it is a HUGE leap. But I know you can do it. And, selfishly, I hope you continue to write about this phase of your therapy.

Anger is tricky. My therapist always tells me he won't let my anger destroy our relationship. When I say, "I was upset with you" he alwasy says, "I want to hear it. Tell me..." I feel like a petty fool sometimes, but othertimes he acknowledges that he messed up or that I had a right to be hurt. So it helps me trust myself.

And expressing the rage - for me it comes with shaking, nausea, tears and swear words. I think I've only raised my voice once but as my children and my staff will tell you, I'm deadly when I'm quiet. The madder I am, the quieter I get. The most out of control I've ever been was last spring when I was struggling with this overwhelming anger at my mother. I was fairly regressed and feeling very young and suddenly I asked my therapist, "what will she say, if I tell her?" He said, "what do you think she'll say?" And I lost it. I yelled at him, "NO, NO QUESTIONS! TELL ME WHAT SHE'LL SAY. WILL SHE BLAME ME? WILL SHE HATE ME?" Ug. I was just sobbing and I was so mad at him! He hesitated and then he told me what he thought she'd say. And we spent several sessions talking about how it felt to be that mad at him and what all that anger was "really" about. It was super scary - but look - I survived it.

You can too. I'm not sure anger trickles out - I think it trickles, boils, gushes, gets hot, goes cold and sometimes freezes completely. What is most important, I think, is to make sure you set up a winding down period so that you don't leave completely overwrought. We started stopping 5 minutes early so I could get myself together before I had to leave. It didn't always work, but boy I hated leaving mad at him. It felt even more awful.

I'm sending you energy for courage. Good luck.

 

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poster:DAisym thread:869792
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/870971.html