Posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 23:29:59
I have one more session with my T and then she rolls off into retirement.
I saw her tonight. I asked her a few personal questions because she said she was ok telling me some things about herself. I asked her what her favorite food is and what her favorite color is. DUMB questions! I asked her what made her want to be a therapist, interesting story. I asked her what one of the hardest things she's ever gone through, she said she wouldn't answer that. I asked her why she was retiring at this time.
I told her several times I wasn't ready to let her go, and I cried. I said I had already suffered too much loss this year and this just adds to it. I told her I would miss her not just as my T but as a person. We've worked on this journey for almost 12 years. (12 years in January, but we didn't get to January)
I could write a book on here but I'm sure it wouldn't mean a thing to anyone. I have to remember that's how therapy is, my T means so much to me, I know she cares about me, but as a patient, that's just it, I'm her patient.
So I get to see her one more time I suppose. On Monday. It's going to break my heart to say goodbye to her. I would have wanted to do this by my own choice and not this way but it didn't turn out that way. That makes it hard for me. I am going to miss her like crazy. She's been my rock all these years and helped me grow.
We had a major therapy rupture earlier this year. I took a 6 month break from seeing her and debated for a few months on if I should go back or not. I knew in my heart I wanted to tell her goodbye face to face. I don't regret for a second going back. We weathered the storm. She warms my heart. She'll always be in my heart and in my mind and I'll love her always.
I will probably post after my visit with her on Monday, but after that I believe I must leave babble. This is the only board I post on and I won't have any good therapy stories to write about. That makes me sad. I've learned so much here and had some awesome support that I've appreciated so much. I've had my share of drama this past year. It's been a toughie for me. I'm glad I'm on this side of it and not where I was a year ago. If I knew of the pain I'd be going through I don't think I would have made it. I've wanted to give up a few times but by some miracle I'm still here.
I have HOPE most of all. I have created for myself a little boat to call my own, it's for sure not a cruiser, but I'm afloat, with hope I can keep on growing and be safer as times goes on, knowing that no one will sink my little boat.
It's more than I had a year ago even though it's not much compared to what I could have had. I've lost it all in time and I've worked my butt off to get to where I am so I'll be happy with my little life raft. I'll turn it into a cruiser some day. I will weather the storms that come my way. 12 years ago, I couldn't cope with a thing. My T taught me how to cope with the strength I had inside, I never knew it was there and didn't know how to use it. I will never sink again as low as I've been this past year. I'm determined. I will remain upbeat as much as I can.
Thank you for being my babble friends. I'm going to miss this part of my life.