Posted by JayMac on December 1, 2008, at 2:04:17
In reply to Dealing with a blank slate T?, posted by Recently on December 1, 2008, at 0:54:52
I can relate definitely your yearning to learn more about your T! You know, I think it depends on your T. If they a T is psychoanalytic does not mean that they never disclose. Even if a T is humanistic doesn't mean that they disclose more than others. From what I've read and experienced, a T does not respond unless it is beneficial to the patient.
Every patient is different and therefore your T should treat you as an individual. Some patients benefit from having more disclosure than others. For others, it's best that they aren't told too much about their T. This is not to say that you belong to either one of these groups, your T would have to make the decision of what's best for you to know. Sometimes the question is a simple question and other times it's a complex array of unconscious anxiety in the form of a qustion.
For example, my T made a casual reference to some aspect of her health (nothing really that big of a deal, but to me it was) and I didn't say anything at the time, but the next week I was really upset. I told her that I didn't need to know about it and that she shouldn't have mentioned it. Well, this made for a really good talk about how her the information she gives impacts me. And of course we spoke about all the transference stuff.
Many times I'll ask a question and she'll respond with a question. Other times, I'll ask a question and she'll ask me if I really and truly want to know. I'll answer that I do, but then I'll make some sort of comment that suggests that I really want to talk about X and Y, instead of being told the answer to a question. It seems like my T is pretty quick to mention certain things but not others. At first, I think it was a matter of trust. I wanted to know all these answers to my questions because I hoped it would jump start my ability to trust her and especially attach to her. Everyone is different though.
What I'm trying to say is most Ts have very good reasons for why they do(not) disclose. Your T may be curious why you're asking because you are just beginning to get to know each other. As are you, she may be asking you in order to know you better.
This may(not) not work, but I just thought of this: I suggest that you make a list of all the questions you have and then rattle them off in session, without expecting an answer. She may answer some of them or none. But she might find a common thread and ask you a question that would probe deeper into why you want to know the answers to the questions.
When it comes down to it, express to your T that you want to know her. I know how hard it is to do this, but let her know how you would feel if she were to answer your questions. Tell her how you would feel if you were to know her better. Tell her about your previous T experience. This would all be extremely helpful so that she can better help you.
I hope some of this helps! =)