Posted by Partlycloudy on November 30, 2008, at 12:35:54
In reply to Re: I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing, posted by antigua3 on November 30, 2008, at 12:01:36
> Hi,
> I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, and I hope the medication will eventually help. You seem to have a good perspective on how far to (not) push yourself, but to let your mind and body guide you.
>
> I'm better in the morning too. Raring to go, but by late afternoon, I can't stand any more stimulation and I'll try to retreat to silence, which is hard to do, and unfair I feel, because that's when my kids get home from school. I don't want them remembering me as being in bed all the time, as my mother was.
>
> I've recently changed/eliminated one of my meds and what has scared me most is the rage that I feel at times. I've been good about not lashing out (well, almost good), but I'm so very, very afraid of anger because of the damage I'm afraid will ensue. I recognize that I've been looking for ways to release my anger, but this isn't what I expected. Just pure, explosive anger. I've always been the good girl, and not let it out, but maybe under a controlled circumstance (therapy), it could be a good thing.
>My medication changes seem to have "put me in touch" with my anger unexpectedly. I was ill tempered and an all-out bitch on Thanksgiving Day. I mostly gave Thanks that I didn't have a house full of people to unleash it all on - and I regret having put through my husband what I did. (I gave him hell for not carving a boneless breast of turkey "properly" and for serving me "too many" vegetables. Just how he was supposed to magically read my Martha Stewart-possessed mind is beyond me, but right now I'm putting it down to my depression and medication change. Poor guy.)
> I'm annoyed with my pdoc for lowering the dosage at this time--with the holidays here, I mean. (Granted, i agreed because of the anxiety I was experiencing and I thought it would help, but he's the psychopharmacologist and is supposed to know everything!)I see him this week so we'll see what he suggests.
>
> My biggest fear is that this is me, how I really am without meds, and that scares me. Scares me back to my cave, and feeling depressed, but my pdoc has promised that he will help me not to go there. When he took me off the med and I had such violent feelings of rage, I wondered if this is me. Very scary thought for ME, not you, partly cloudy.
>
> In any case, please try not to feel guilty needing the meds. It's such a complicated issue, at least it is for me.
>
> Sorry to make this about me. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you, and thinking you're coping as well as you can through an extremely difficult time.
>Not at all - if anything, this reminds me that this is such a shared experience for so many of us. Thanks for that.
> antigua
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:865727
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865910.html