Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2008, at 12:27:46
In reply to Well, I slept on it - trigger perhaps, posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 5:41:47
> I think the best thing for me to do would be to bring this feeling up to him.
I agree completely. What you decide from there may depend on how he responds.
> I think some of my concerns/complaints are legitimate, some may even be quit worthy.
> What I'm absolutely sure about is that these breaches are traumatizing to me.
> No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect but we've got to figure out a way to minimize these traumas. They (obviously) cause me a lot of stress and disrupt the therapeutic relationship.
I agree completely. That's part of long term therapy, that if one party does things that consistently harms the relationship (*especially* the therapist), they need to do something to show genuine regret, take responsibility, and come up with a way to address the issue.
> If my primary concern in therapy now is attachment, it really undermines my efforts if he forgets about me, locks me out and isn't available.
> Frankly, my therapy is already quite sexual (in words not actions) so all he needs to do is start hitting me and it's my parents all over again.
That statement concerns me a bit. Especially since you say he's going through a divorce? Do you think the sexual element is to benefit you or to benefit him at a time when his personal life is iffy?
> AS much as I value him, this has got to be fixed.
It does. It might mean he needs supervision or therapy himself right now. His personal troubles may be interfering with his ability to be there for you, and as I told my therapist, that really is not acceptable. Not in therapy.