Posted by wishingstar on November 7, 2008, at 22:03:52
I dont really feel like I should be posting because I know I'm not active here and I rarely offer support like I should... I'm sorry. I just have to share this with someone who will get it.
I did it. I'm switching Ts. I canceled my appt with my regular T for next week and have scheduled an appt with old T instead. Old T is the one 2 hours away who I've seen in the past who I really love. She has been amazing for me but it's a 2 hour drive and a MUCH higher fee (more than double what I pay current T). But I did it. Current T is like a friend.. we have a good time but I dont get anywhere. Recently when I was discussing how I feel stressed to the point of self destruction her only suggestion was to google stress relief. Isnt that what therapy is for, helping me with those things? I can google without paying someone! Anyway... old T, who I'll be seeing now, will NOT let me get off track for long and holds good boundaries. I'll be entering "real" therapy for the first time in awhile. It's scary.
Reading the thread above about object permanence made me think a lot of this situation. One of my biggest issues with the idea of seeing old T instead is that she's 2 hours away. The drive, in part, but also just the fact that she's not "here". It really doesnt matter, because I'd never see her outside sessions anyway and the phone works just as well from wherever, but it's scary. Harder to feel safe and "held" and "with her" I guess. Logistically, it may be difficult because I live in a small town and work in a rural county (social work), whereas she lives/works in a fairly affluent city just outside of Washington DC... incredibly different lifestyles and I've changed a lot since I lived in her area. All that can be worked out though. It's just the emotional disconnect that will be the hardest.
When I left current T the message that I wouldnt be back for awhile, she left me a message in response saying that she thought that was a good idea. That stung a bit, but I knew she thought that. It did reinforce how much she doesnt get it with me.
I'll only be seeing the T I'm switching to biweekly now because I cant afford her fee or to drive 2hrs each way every week. But as she said last time we spoke, good therapy 2x/month is better than bad therapy 4x/month. True.
I'm proud of myself. I just had to share. No responses necessary really.
poster:wishingstar
thread:861394
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/861394.html