Posted by Nadezda on November 1, 2008, at 9:24:46
In reply to Re: Desire versus Acceptance » Trotter, posted by obsidian on November 1, 2008, at 0:02:58
I totally identify with your not wanting to be okay with what you haven't gotten. No one would ever ask -- or expect-- you to be. You don't need to, to get to a much better place.
What needs to happen-- I say this only because I've come, too, from a position where I felt very intensely that things never could or would be okay, because of all that I'd missed out on-- is that over time, your T will be able to give you enough-- and help you find enough in other places in your life-- that it won't any more be a matter of being okay with what you didn't get.
What happened won't ever be okay-- but, even though now it seems overwhelming, you'll over time, find that it's receding in importance, and that other things are coming into view-- things that offer a great deal, and are so much more present and valuable now-- at this moment in your life-- than the old past, which you really don't need to live in the shadow of.
So while I would never want you to accept what happened as okay it doesn't that things for you-- and in you-- can never be okay. This is just a hard time, during which things are changing in ways that you aren't yet aware of, but that I feel you'll become able to use over time. From my own experience, although sometimes the process is difficult, it really does make a difference and things really do change.