Posted by seldomseen on October 21, 2008, at 6:46:18
In reply to unanswerable questions, posted by happyflower on October 21, 2008, at 1:33:58
We humans are such odd creatures. Sometimes I marvel at the things we are capable of - horrible, horrible things. Yet, we can also be so achingly loving and tender.
I guess, and this is the way I've reasoned it out for myself, nothing is ever all good or all bad. It certainly summarizes the human condition pretty well I think.
It sounds as though you are beginning to realize that about T1 as well. Obviously there were some good qualities in him or you wouldn't have loved him. You didn't fall in love with an unethical bastard, you fell in love with a man. Obviously there was some value in that relationship or you wouldn't grieve it the way you are.
As far as letting it go. Well, it's been my experience with heartbreak and loss that we really don't let it go. The pain, anger and loss will get less intense, but these kind of experiences change us forever.
That's not necessarily a bad thing. As adults I think we really do have some choices as to how things affect us and what meaning events will bring to our lives.
I also think it's important to realize that there is no "right" choice. It's all your path.
Of course, I've also found that gluing a picture of someone (or even just their name) to the bottom of my shoe and walking around all day on it helps a lot. ;)