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Re: Disclosure and Reporting -- CSA/T/Suicide trig » lemonaide

Posted by toetapper on October 11, 2008, at 21:57:43

In reply to Re: Disclosure and Reporting -- CSA/T/Suicide triggers » toetapper, posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 5:37:13

Lemonaide, I wish I could say XYandZ and have it be the answer. It is different for everyone. I, too, believe this happens a LOT. I allow myself to believe, mostly out of hope and maybe a little desperation, that unethical Ts are really just plain human, suffering from their own inadequacies and insecurities, who sometimes get in over their heads or get sucked into old patterns or whatever, rather than just plain evil.

Every single one of us engages in relationships that have elements of transference or counter-transference, yet the T relationship is the only one we label as such. No one accused me of marrying out of transference. No one suggested I accepted a job with the boss from hell out of counter-transference. And yet, both of those relationships, in addition to my T, in addition to my girlfriends, in addition to my parents and siblings, in addition to every friend (and lover) I've ever had, have elements of transference and counter-transference. And for me, that realization is what finally cut the string. And that awareness, more than anything (except the book The Courage to Heal, I'm sorry I don't know how to hypertext the link) came through this site. I mentioned in my OP that coming here, and reading the threads of similar situations, and more importantly reading the threads of what a healthy, healing, THERAPEUTIC relationship looks like, brought me to the undeniable realization that --warning: THIS IS MY OPINION OF MYSELF ONLY-- I make my own choices and my own decisions and am THE ONLY PERSON who has control over who I engage with, and how. I am responsible for what I brought to the table, for who I chose to engage with, and how I chose to engage, in every single one of those relationships. No one else.

Conversely, I AM THE ONLY ONE who can choose to engage differently.

In my particular case with my particular T, given this was NOT his first brush with unethical behavior, I did come to the conclusion he is a perverted, disturbed, dangerous man. And I did what I thought was most appropriate, I reported him. The absolute WORST part of my journey away from him was the additional abuse, and it was ABUSE, I suffered at the hands of those who were charged with protecting me, with hearing me. I WAS NOT HEARD. And for a victim of abuse, that is a death knell.

There is one other thing I want to be absolutely clear about, and that is this site. I do not participate or contribute, and maybe that means I don't get a vote. I ride the coattails of those (like you) who have the balls and the compassion to share little bits and pieces of yourself with, essentially, anyone who is interested. I owe my life to all of you, that is the truth. I don't think there is a person here who comes here to harm.

You are loved, and you are believed, and you are supported. And when you are ready, I hope you return.

 

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