Posted by Stellabystarlight on October 11, 2008, at 14:26:18
In reply to just for fun, posted by turtle on October 10, 2008, at 18:30:18
This is such a great post, Turtle. It's reminding me why my T is so great even with his flaws as I'm sitting here stewing about a hurtful thing my T said last week.
Like DAisym, my T and I also have multiple distinct relationships.
When he is a therapist, I don't feel like a client. I feel like a co-therapist who's actively helping him with analysis of myself. I feel like we're researchers excited by insights and unraveling mysteries of the mind. And it feels incredibly rewarding when he spontaneously opens up at times and I'm able to "see" him, and blow him away with my understanding of him. I get so much out of our relationship when he allows himself to relax and open up without fear of losing his professional stance. We learn about ourselves through each other.
Sometimes I see him as a cold irritable old man who needs to retire. He becomes Ebenezer Scrooge and I'm his poor suffering employee trying hard to make him love me. I know I project these images when I feel worthless and I'm frustrated because he can't just save me and fix me like a magician.
Sometimes we're 2 teenagers doing homework together. Laughing and goofing around, wanting to go out and play. I'm the smart one but allowing him to think he is the one figuring things out just because I have a crush on him and he is so boyishly cute. I wish we could just bum around and explore downtown together while holding hands.
And then, there's the woman who is wildly in love with a statuesque man. He is gorgeous with piercing green eyes but is forbidden. He also wants her, but both have understanding that it never can be without sacrificing everything else. I feel like Scarlett,and him both Ashley and Rhett from "Gone With The Wind." No matter how much it hurts to not have him, I always say to myself, "Well, there's always tomorrow." I'm making myself laugh now...
When I'm a little girl, he is Mr. Rogers from the "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood." He's wearing a yellow cardigan with a gentle smile on his face. He listens to the little girl with care and often sheds tears as he listens to her. I feel him hugging me with his heart and eyes at times with gentleness and tenderness. This is when I love him the most, when his love for the little girl feels so pure.
And so much more...this is making me cry. I need to forgive him for what he said last week.
Stellabystarlight
poster:Stellabystarlight
thread:856810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856942.html