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Re: attachment » lucie lu

Posted by turtle on October 1, 2008, at 21:46:09

In reply to Re: attachment, posted by lucie lu on September 28, 2008, at 21:15:30

> Turtle, this is such a rich topic to explore! I know I have spent the past several years trying to figure out what it all means. It does seem strange to start out such a deep and complex process as perfect strangers. But most relationships do, don't they? And like others, therapeutic attachment takes time to develop between both people. But what makes them different is that unlike the uncertainty of RL relationships, the therapeutic one starts with the assumption that the T wishes to build a certain kind of relationship with you - open, committed, safe - that focuses entirely on you. That's their professional starting position. But then, where the two of you take the relationship from there is entirely a function of you two as human beings. As the relationship grows and you get to know each other, attachment grows because of the work you do together, which is deeply meaningful to both of you. That fosters attachment. They are interested, caring, and focused on your welfare; you try to be increasingly more open and vulnerable and allow yourself to rely on her. You're both exhibiting behaviors that promote attachment and mutual caring. This is also why it is so much like a good parent-child attachment bond - one many of us have not experienced when we were young. But I really believe that we are all hard-wired as humans to seek such attachments. In therapy we have a chance to just let it happen.
>
> I think attachment is pretty much akin to closeness, and that means different things to different people. To me, it has a lot to do with trust - allowing someone to come in close to me. My T said that to him, it means being engaged with another person. You can do both in therapy.
>

Lucie

Your response was both beautifully worded and touching in content. You must have a close and loving relationship with your therapist.

I think you found the areas that I'm struggling with. You already feel and know several assumptions that are new concepts to me. Am I able to form this kind of connection? Is it really allowed? Is it allowed specifically for *me*? A therapist would actually want and expect and offer this? Will I repulse her if I get close? She bonds too? I can "just let it happen" and I don't have to know how to first? I'm trying to allow myself to both open to this risk and to wrap my brain around it all.

Your version of the process both warms my heart in what feels a little like a childlike wonderment "really, for me?" and makes me want to cry at the same time.

My childhood was lacking, my adult relationships have mostly been lonely and at times abusive, and my first therapist was very cold and reserved with me the entire two years before abruptly terminating me. Even my friends only "get in" so far. My new therapist's warmth and acceptance is opening up a new world for me.

I've been holding your version of how it goes close.

Thank you!
Turtle


 

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