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Re: A blessing, but not unmixed --Dinah » Nadezda

Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2008, at 9:42:07

In reply to Re: A blessing, but not unmixed --Dinah, posted by Nadezda on September 16, 2008, at 23:18:00

You're right. I do have the better of the two worlds. Although I've always been aware of the tension between caring and having the distance to do the tough stuff needed in therapy sometimes.

But when I think back over all the years when I looked for caring from him. I've been through all the experiences with him. At the beginning I could feel that he didn't like me that much, although he always behaved well and even now would deny it if asked outright. Then later, when I was afraid I was just client number 4172 - and probably I was to some degree or another. Wanting to be a Jessica to him. Being afraid I never would be.

Maybe I just find it disconcerting, after all that, to really be able to feel that I am a Jessica to him. Not just know it intellectually based on his actions, but to feel it as well. Sometimes it's a bit scary to get what you want. Although why I couldn't say.

I really am not complaining. I'm so grateful. I was just a bit frustrated that I wasn't getting the response I needed at that moment.

 

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