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I'm really depressed.

Posted by JayMac on September 4, 2008, at 12:39:44

Yesterday morning my T was trying to get me to talk about my mom and her, and all the feelings that I have. It's really really really hard for me to talk about my feelings, *especially* when they have to do with her. Anyhow, after many moments of silence, I began to cry. I didn't know where the tears were coming from, but she told me that I didn't have to know, I just had to let myself feel. So, I cried (btw, I haven't cried all that much in front of my T, so this was a little bit of a break thru for me), and our time was up all too quickly. She asked me if I could journal, and I said I would. I left her office feeling emotionally drained.

The rest of the day was stressful, I had to speak with my old and current insurance companies about my psychiatric care. Also I had my first day of school. It was good, but I know it's going to be a tough year with working full time AND going to school full time.

I didn't get enough sleep last night. I woke up too early, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I started to clean my apartment, but had to stop because my mind began to race and race around and around and around. I wasn't thinking straight, or at all. So I collapsed on my bed. I actually let myself cry. I held myself. I held my pillow like a toddler holds their teddy bear. I just cried. I feel like crying now. I just want a mom, I want MY mom, but she is gravely disabled due to mental illness. It's sad. I'm sad. I feel really depressed right now.

I might be rambling. I just needed to get this all out. Thanks for reading.

Jay


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:JayMac thread:850295
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/850295.html