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Re: The truth has come out. Amanda29

Posted by Dinah on August 14, 2008, at 20:19:18

In reply to The truth has come out., posted by Amanda29 on August 14, 2008, at 19:47:28

It's ok to be dependent at age 29. But in order to stay dependent on him, you have to show respect to him by being respectful of his boundaries. Just as you wish him to show respect to you.

Linehan refers to behaviors that interfere with therapy, and I guess boundary crossings would fall into that category. In order for therapy to go proceed without interruptions, there are various things you need to do. This is one of them.

It's not a question of doing therapy right or wrong. My therapist was ok with my calling his answering machine as often as I liked, as long as I didn't ask him to call me back each time. He'd likely ask me to stop emailing him if I emailed him fifteen times in a day. In fact, although I know his email address for emergencies, he prefers that I not email him at all. He doesn't like emails. Since different therapists have different rules for out of therapy contact, it's up to them to clarify their boundaries. Once they do, it's up to us to respect them.

For our sakes as much as theirs.

Perhaps he'd be willing to work with you to find other ways to meet your needs for contact? If he doesn't like you to call his cell phone, and you'd like to be able to listen to his voice, would he be willing to record a message for you? My therapist agreed to record a guided relaxation tape for me in his voice. We did it in session, and he recorded it as we did the relaxation. He felt a bit awkward, I think. But he was willing to do it, so that I could feel connected between sessions.

Maybe it would be helpful to look at the behaviors that your therapist has asked you to stop, and figure out what need they meet. Then work on meeting that need in another way?




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