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Re: Wanting to be similar to my therapist

Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2008, at 17:50:39

In reply to Wanting to be similar to my therapist, posted by onceupon on August 7, 2008, at 15:21:02

I don't think I'm typical of clients with therapists in this area.

I have absolutely no desire to be like my therapist.

And I know that we absolutely would not be friends in real life.

The things he likes to do are of no interest to me. His attitudes about worldly things are totally in opposition to mine. Even though we're both interested in theology, my theology and his are about as far apart as two people of the same general faith could be.

He's sophisticated and likes the finer things in life. Fine wine, fine food, fine things. He's a very fussy housekeeper by his own admission. His clothing, even his jeans, appear perfectly pressed and his hair always looks the same length, which means he must get it trimmed regularly. He tends to look down, I think, on people like me who wear ten dollar skirts, no makeup, and infrequently styled hair. My house would never pass inspection with him. He's Ralph's on the Park. I'm Liuzza's. Both fine institutions with well deserved respected reputations, but hardly interchangeable.

He hasn't even seen Monk for heavens sake. He has asked me if I've seen some reality shows I've never even registered as existing. (I'd made a tape of clips of Dr. Kroger moments, and am bringing it to share with him tomorrow, since I'm feeling pretty good and have nothing urgent to talk about.) About all we seem to have in common in culture is a fondness for the X Files and Star Trek. Hardly an unusual common trait for people of our generation.

But that's kind of what makes it work. My husband is enormously like me in a lot of ways. It's important in a spouse I think. We speak the same language and share the same values. In a therapist maybe it's not as important. I think there's a whole yin/yang interplay of complementary opposites going on. (If I understand the concept properly.)

My therapist didn't give the teeniest hint about his political leanings until this year, thirteen years in. Naturally, we are not in agreement on any of the major topics, even though neither of us is straight conservative or liberal on all of the topics. We both have a bit of both. Just not the same bit. :) The only thing we share in that area is an intolerance for intolerance that we acknowledge with a fair amount of humor.

Still, I've seen that it is important to a lot of clients. Probably for the reason you suggest. People do tend to be comfortable and be attracted to those that are similar to themselves. I think it makes perfect sense to want those things. Does your therapist self disclose about those things? I think they may be reluctant to do that for fear of disturbing any feelings of likeness that a client may feel.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wondering if your therapist would like you as a person outside therapy. Or that you would like her. It's kind of weird to know that my therapist would totally disapprove of me anywhere but that room. But it's also kind of nice to know that we've forged a strong bond in that room, despite our differences. Maybe even nicer than if we had a lot in common. I don't know if that makes sense.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:844805
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