Posted by Dinah on July 28, 2008, at 16:52:02
In reply to The silences., posted by Cal on July 28, 2008, at 12:09:57
There are different sorts of silences. Sometimes he's being respectful of the fact that I'm busy internally. Sometimes he's letting something settle, because it's amazing how something I say sounds when I actually say it out loud.
Sometimes it's a silence with a smile on his part, or mine. Those are the best sorts. A sort of mutual understanding.
But sometimes it starts to feel like a battle. I mentally cross my arms and refuse to speak first. If I do end up speaking first, I feel like I've lost. It was only relatively recently that I started putting those feelings into words. So if I'm feeling like a particular silence is a struggle, I'll say so in words instead of with posture.
Amazingly he never feels the battle on his end. He isn't insisting I speak first. He's willing to speak first if I want. I've got a few hand signals I use now. Mostly the palms upward gesture of appeal. Mind you, I usually get annoyed by the trivial and repetitive subjects he brings up to break the silence. Which motivates me to do it myself.
poster:Dinah
thread:842580
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/842643.html