Posted by raisinb on July 24, 2008, at 11:22:14
In reply to Are you in love/transference with your T?, posted by stellabystarlight on July 24, 2008, at 0:00:00
Yes, I am, to varying degrees over the years.
I have thought about real love vs transference. My therapist and I have intense moments of connection, which lead to euphoric infatuation/love feelings, (I'm sometimes turned on after sessions--I don't notice it in there, but then I leave...whew!). These feelings are based more on my unfulfilled needs than her as a person. Because often we'll have moments when I see her ordinary humanness, and the euphoria seems incongruous.
Then I also feel a more realistic connection--homey, affectionate--mixed with frustration, disappointment, and humor. This too could be called love, but it's a different kind. Happier, less tortured.
Since she's my therapist, our relationship is more transference-based than are those in real life. But every relationship is a mixture of the two. You can't sort it out.
Mostly I don't need to know. When I think back on this experience I'll probably feel fondness, awe, and still a bit of mystery, which is how I'd feel about any profound relationship that came upon me unexpectedly.
Also I guess I realized that the "real" vs. "transference" question was me trying to decide which feelings I was allowed to have, which were valid. Accepting myself means I have to stop trying to decide that. All of it is part of me, and I'd do well to respect beauty and complexity.
poster:raisinb
thread:841737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/841776.html