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Re: On Regard » lucie lu

Posted by rskontos on July 4, 2008, at 14:49:35

In reply to Re: On Regard » rskontos, posted by lucie lu on July 3, 2008, at 20:40:22

Lucielu,

What I meant was that if I get too involved about whether he has regard or cares for me at this time, I would then feel responsible for his feelings and of keeping them. I might judge what I say or not say to him, or how I express myself. I guess part of my lack of trust is to place people I am unsure about in a compartment where I don't humanize them. He is there for now. So that way if I need to walk away I can at a moments notice. If I was involved in the need for caring process this would not be possible.

Does that answer your question. I am not sure a thread is necessary but if you think so i will start one. I must admit I am not all that keen on any transference with my t. Probably why we are at an impasse.

And I guess if I examined the motivation of him offering to treat me for free then I would have to conclude he cares. I choose to still think of him thinking I am like a science experiment to him . But I think that is not true. Because the other day he email me to tell me he enjoyed the movie I had recommended to him. How about that a pdoc email you without you emailing him first. So I guess he at least respects me. Yes, that is what I think. I did tell my sister that for right now, I think sometimes he is the only one in my corner IRL. As far as seeing me as a person versus mom or wife.

So I guess I have refused to see any regard until this thread. I wanted to maintain keeping him in his compartment in case I wanted to walk.

Thanks for the thread. It has, maybe reluctantly, opened my eyes to more in my relationship than I cared to admit. I have tried to be an island for far too long.

rsk

And I understand the dollar thing. My p-doc isn't in my network so I pay most of his expenses out of pocket and he isn't cheap.

 

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