Posted by sunnydays on June 26, 2008, at 0:05:15
I posted this on the main board in response to a thread I had, but no one will probably see it because it's up so far.
My pdoc got mad at me today. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just take some coaxing because I'm very scared to take meds. She basically told me to take the meds because she says so. Which is fine, and I will, but she sounded so mad. Or exasperated might be a better word.
I think she thinks I'm not giving them time to work, it's not that, it's just that I feel like my symptoms have gotten worse since I started taking this med, more anxiety and more OCD compulsions and less sleep, and my T actually was wondering if I might be on the manic continuum because my need for sleep has decreased so drastically (I'm definitely not totally manic though).
I just hate this. I can't switch pdocs because this is the one that's free at the counseling center at my school. And the other one who works there I already switched away from because we didn't work that well together and I didn't feel like she was being proactive enough with my meds and really knew what she was doing. So I'm stuck with this one. We got along fine I thought until today.
I just never saw it coming. And the little girl part of me got so scared, and it got hard to talk. I did make sure I told her everything, though, which I'm proud of because sometimes I don't and my T told me make sure I tell her everything. He has acknowledged she's not the most empathetic person, but I can deal with that. It's the being frustrated I don't get. I really really am NOT trying to be difficult, I just get scared.
So now I have to take Xanax until further notice basically to sleep. I thought a week should have been plenty, but she acted like that really wasn't long enough and I shouldn't have stopped taking it. But I'm scared of getting dependent. She said it won't happen, she PROMISED it won't happen, even if I take it for two months. Which I don't get.
I don't like this. I am being a rebel tonight and not taking the Xanax because I don't want to and because I want to talk to my T tomorrow first. I just wish I was a normal person.