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Re: T getting married

Posted by Dinah on May 27, 2008, at 18:54:09

In reply to Re: T getting married » myrtledog, posted by TherapyGirl on May 27, 2008, at 16:42:03

My therapist didn't tell me until the last minute either. He said he was getting married in two weeks or something, and that I was the first patient he told.

We happened to talk about that the other day, in connection with the current situation. I told him that when he told me he was getting married, I remembered that about six months earlier I had seen a congratulations card displayed on his desk. It was signed by what looked like everyone in his office. I asked him lightly about it as I was waiting for him to write out my receipt, and he told me it was for his birthday. I knew then that he was lying, and I knew when he got married what the lie was. But although it hurt, I understood. It was his life, and his happiness, and he didn't want my reactions to taint his feelings.

I didn't at the time feel as comfortable with him as I do now, and I didn't ask him all the things that bothered me. I did talk about not wanting him to be sexual, and my eunuch dream, without ever glancing upon the fact that he actually was likely to have sex with his wife.

But I didn't have the nerve to ask things like how long he was going away on his honeymoon. So I spent nearly a year worrying about a delayed three month honeymoon trip that he hadn't bothered to tell me about.

When we discussed it the other day, he didn't verify my conclusions of all those years ago. But he didn't deny it either. And my perception based on his expression was that I was correct and he was surprised I remembered and had known all this time that he had lied to me.

I do understand his point of view. And it does hurt, however much I understand. And clearly, since his dream wife told me he was a eunuch, he did not and does not ever have sex with her or anyone else.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:831363
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/831483.html