Posted by peratree on May 20, 2008, at 15:30:19
Hello,
I have been in therapy for 4 years on bi-weekly basis. I have known my therapist for 10 years, the first time I was in therapy, I stopped after a year.
I have gone back to work with her after a breakup of a 7 year relationship with my boyfriend.
I feel that we have made very good progress during these years. I do have more understanding of myself than ever before and have more coping skills to deal with situations that I felt no control over in the past.Even though I am working hard to understand myself and regularly attending the sessions, it took me just until recently to really dig deep. I have looked forward to therapy every time, and perhaps become dependent on it. I feel that the deeper we have dug, the more "childish" I have become, having difficulties regulating my emotions, particularly my anxiety.
A few days ago I have received a phone call from my therapist that she is having a medical emergency and she will be away for a month.
This has stirred quite an unexpected intensity of feelings in me. I have been near panic state for the last few days.
She has referred me to other people, none of which I have not been able to get in touch with.
I think it's really worth examining the feeling that have come up in response to this situation. I know that I do have abandonment issues, and I also have had 2 very close people die in the last 3 years. I am actually afraid that my therapist might be dying. There was just a weird tone to her voice, I think she did not want to worry me.
I did call her back right after I spoke to her and did get the phone numbers for referrals (initially I told her I didn't need it) and told her to take care of herself. Also told her that even though this might cross the bounderies of the client-therapist, but I cared about her as a person (somewhat selfishly) and please get better soon.
I felt kinda bad after saying that to her. Perhaps I have developed "transference" and think that I know her or care about her as a person. I do care, but reality is that she is my therapist and we work in a narrow range, I do not know her.
Last night I had paranoid thoughts of her maybe terminating therapy. I just kept telling myself to trust her, she would not go about it such a round-about way.
I am having difficulties concentrating at work...
Anyone out there with similar experience or suggestions? Thanks!
poster:peratree
thread:830151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/830151.html