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I woke up with stupor

Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 13, 2008, at 20:17:01

In reply to Re: something bad happened in therapy today., posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 20:02:55

thank you all for your caring posts. I am sorry so sorry. I just woke up from klonopin stupor and can't stop crying.

Here's the thing. H and I are poor right now. I had set aside some money for washington dc, but not 800 bucks for dental work (which I'm postponing another month), or hypomanic binge spending.

I was telling T about the spending too much, and out of his mouth comes the words I have been dreading to hear "How are you doing wth the copays?"

The thing is that T never sends me bills, he expects me to know what my copay is and keep track of it. I know it's at least 500 dollars, probably more since I paid him. I was hoping he had been forgetting it.

And then I left feeling like a jerk, a big f*ck*ng *ssh*l* for not paying my therapist and ripping him off. Dreading the conversation with h that concerns the therapy copay. h doesn't like to pay my T. Starts mutterin things about how I should just f*ck*ng get my sh*t together on my own.

T just kind of chuckles- "maybe that's what you can do for your homework [i had been complaining that marriageT always gives us homework]. He said it with a very serious look but still had the twinkle in his eye.

I am left between a rock and a hardplace. The two men in my life are asking me for money, and I have none.

maybe that's a little clearer.

I had a flashback about my dead kitty in the middle of the session. abrupt mood swing and crying, and I never really did recover from discussing the content of my sick dreams, or the visual/auditory shadows that I have been perceiving lately. disociation.

what a sucky day. MarriageT called me on my passive-aggressive bluff. She is very direct. We ask her for solutions, and she gives them.

I'm a freak bi*ch, who is passive aggressive and is stiffing her T. Who is the LAST person that I want to call about that.

There is no help. but there is self-punishment. Trying to avoid that though, if possible.





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