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i'm feeling...**triggers mentioned**

Posted by B2chica on May 6, 2008, at 13:52:21

very free today!

been on stupid life saving zyprexa for what, week and 1/2 now. i'm feeling back to normal. it took me three weeks to loose 5lbs and three days of zyprexa to put it back on.
fat and emotionally normal. i guess i have to live with until i feel safe enough to stop zyprexa again.

i think i can use zyprexa not as a constant but as a PRN. so i think 2 weeks of the wonder drug outta do it. then i'll take that out and maybe i'll have more energy in the mornings and i can get up earlier to exercise??

but man, today i'm not feeling manic but damn i feel GOOD! really ALIVE. full of music and life. i haven't felt this way i think since nursing (before i had to go back on meds). i think it's called feeling the creative juices flowing. now if i could stay up at nights long enough to get some paintings done i have about 5 sketches drawn up but no time to paint, since especially now with the zyprexa on board i'm in bed and asleep by 9:30-10. (which is just so weird for me). heck some nights i'm even ready for bed by 9.

also i have about 6 books started. although two of them are poetry books. i've just been jumping all over the place the last couple months. although i don't know how much of that i can blame on the hypomanic type behavior cuz i do have a habit of reading more than one book at a time, but usually it's just two sometimes three if ones a kids book or poetry book.
i want to skip work and go home and finish quilting what's left of my quilt, paint my bedroom, clean my dining room (which hasn't been cleaned in a month), paint and read the one book that i've been putting off cuz it's harder reading. (i have to get that done cuz the second edition is coming out in june and a friend is sending it to me when it comes out so i need to be ready)

not that i have the energy per se to do all that, but i feel awake and alert. and i want to do the things that frustrated me before cuz they were left undone. everything seems good today.

in fact i'm listing to pandora right now and a song came on that has never come on to my station before, but i have the CD, i was listening to it one time when i xxxx my wrxxt. it's making me stop and think but it's not effecting me the way it normally does. normally i can't even listen to it, or it immediately brings me back to that place. and visuals, etc. it's not now.

i'm sorry for those that are still suffering.
maybe i can send some of my feeling good vibes your way....ok all???





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poster:B2chica thread:827521