Posted by crushedout on April 3, 2008, at 20:50:08
In reply to Re: One more thing ... » crushedout, posted by Annierose on April 3, 2008, at 20:40:13
I agree. I wasn't saying *she* caused the suffering--it's the therapy that does it. It's the therapeutic relationship, in that I get so attached to my therapist that I don't have room for anyone else in my life. And talking about it doesn't hurt so much as it simply felt like we were going in circles. I know what I want and I know what I can't have and I know why I want it. What else is there to figure out?
It's like banging my head against a wall. Since I've left her, I've felt engaged with family and friends like I haven't in a long time. I am re-investing in the rest of my life.
I totally agree that if I am running away from my issues, that is not going to work. They are going to rear their heads again. But I am not running away. I faced the issue head-on. And then nothing happened.
Nothing. I mean it. I just have to accept that I cannot marry an older already-married woman. I don't even want to. So the fantasy will always be just that. A fantasy. But by continuing to see my therapist, there was a part of me that was hanging on to that hope, and how does that help me? It's almost biological. If I see her, I have these horrible feelings of longing. If I don't, I don't. Why see her? Why? Honestly.
I'm obviously trying to wrestle with this more than asking you to answer. But if you have answers, by all means, do share.
> >>> and since it causes suffering, the payoff seemed to indicate that termination would be best.
> I don't think your therapist is "causing" the suffering, rather examining the hurt in your life is painful and causing you to sort of re-visit that hurt and THAT is what's causing you to suffer. Not her. She is just the vehicle.
> And ignoring the pain, well, speaking for myself, that doesn't work for long either. It's deep within us and rears its ugly head whenever or wherever it wants to.