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Re: No Hugs for me DAisym

Posted by sunnydays on March 20, 2008, at 23:13:35

In reply to No Hugs for me, posted by DAisym on March 20, 2008, at 19:49:57

I for one am sooo proud of you for opening the topic with him. It's a scary thing to talk about, especially when it's such a loaded act and knowing he won't say yes. I haven't talked with my T about it because I'm afraid he would say no. I have brought it up round about that I would like I hug sometimes but I'm afraid he'd say no, but I did it in emails and he has never brought it up and I haven't brought it up yet, but he didn't respond and say he would give me a hug, so I think he wouldn't.

One time, though, I was really scared and sad about leaving and I was having a really hard time getting out the door. Without saying anything at all, my T came over and rubbed my upper arm, sort of reassuringly. I loved that, and I wish he would do it again, but our relationship has changed a little since then and I'm not sure if he would.

I also totally understand feeling hurt about him feeling the need to hold himself apart. My T said something to me as I was leaving once to let him know about how my group the next day went and to email him, and as I was walking out the door he added, "I suppose I could just look at the tape, but I don't think that I want to get that involved with you, I don't think that would be good for us." That really stung, and I haven't brought it up, but may have to. So I understand completely where you're coming from - it's like they say that they care and that we're important and that they are invested in us, but at the same time they keep at least some distance. I can understand rationally the need to keep that therapeutic objectiveness, but the little girl in me just wants love and comfort and doesn't understand why something she wants so much - for someone to be totally invested in her well-being and to totally care for her as a parent would - is something that would be 'bad'. Do you think any of your hurt might be a reaction from little Daisy? Your adult probably has feelings about it too, but some of the hurt sounds like a child feeling hurt and abandoned to me - but that could be total projection from my feelings.

Thanks for posting this Daisy. At least I'm not the only one.





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