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Re: No Hugs for me DAisym

Posted by rskontos on March 20, 2008, at 21:29:26

In reply to No Hugs for me, posted by DAisym on March 20, 2008, at 19:49:57


I am not sure I can voice with words the thoughts in my head but I will try. I guess his boundaries are to prevent transference of the erotic kind since he only allows touch with some of his male patients. I can't say how this would make me feel since I have not explored this with my Dr S as it isn't necessary at this point. I hardly hug my H much less my T. IT is rare he gets a smile these days so a hugs probably would give him a faint.

I don't think you and your T were on the same wavelength in what the hug represented. To you it was a benign sharing of affection for his it represented a breaking of rules. I guess there is no compromise for him. Too bad. It probably would mean a great deal to you, but on the same hand it would take him out of his comfort zone. It is personal to you just like if you suggested for him to go out of his comfort zone and somehow made him feel bad suggesting for him not too he is a bad therapist he would take that personally. He is asking you take his rules as such and move on and you are just trying to get him to see your point. I am not sure he did.

I guess he feels that somehow physical separateness prevents any rules from being broken. I can understand that, but it doesn't necessarily prevents rules from being broken (not a fool proof safe guard). And haven't you and your therapist been together as therapist and therapee a fairly long time, and that is intimacy. (And we all know there are hugs and there are HUGS.) There are perfectly acceptable innocent hugs in which no rules are broken and won't ever be.

I am sorry you lost your good stuff, I can see how you would. It is hard when the ones that build us can often take the wind out of our sails. Try to hang in there and regain it back.

Tell him that you did not breeze through it afterall.

And you are not repulsive, I will fight anyone that makes you think that. I am sorry you feel wounded. I wish I could make you feel better :)





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