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Re: Did she call back? Dinah

Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2008, at 14:01:15

In reply to Re: Did she call back? crushedout, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2008, at 13:46:47

Lots to think about, Dinah, thanks.

She is the kind of therapist where people "own" their slots, and the assumption is that it is your slot (and you will pay for it) unless you cancel in advance and give her time to fill it. We've never gone over it specifically but I've always assumed it was a 24-hour cancellation policy.

She also has some flexibility so you can usually add extra sessions or change your time--I've rarely had trouble doing this when I've needed to.

The previous week, when I actually CANCELLED, she still kept my time and called me the night before and said she had still kept it open, even though I cancelled, and urged me to use it.

So I did, and at that session, she urged me to keep coming. I expressed A LOT of anger during the session, but then at the end told her simply that I "had to think about it." I emailed her that Friday asking if the time was still available. I hadn't necessarily expected her to save me that Monday's time, but at least didn't expect her to give it away permanently. Then, not only had she given away *my* time but she didn't have any other time available and THIS HAS NEVER happened before in three years. She also has never taken more than a few hours to get back to me by email, and this time she took about a day and a half.

How do I not take all this personally? You see?

You are right, I think, in some way, Dinah, that this is about power, and I agree I can never get her to respond in the way that I want/need her to at this point to not feel abused or mistreated or stupid. Which is why I give up. I'm out. That's all I can come up with.

But I do think she's acting out. And I don't think she's going to take responsibility for that unless I pay her and insist on going in whenever she'll have me. Which I'm not sure I'm willing to do.

It feels pretty sh*tty but I try not to think about it, and there's a huge part of me that's mostly just relieved and ready to move the f*ck on. I'm sorry for cursing.

> Different therapists have different ways of operating. Is she one of those therapists who books from week to week? Where you might have a time slot, but she's also flexible? Or is she one of those therapists who assigns each client a timeslot and you pay whether or not you can come?
> I have to say that if I don't positively say to my therapist that I will be using next week's timeslot, he'll very likely give it away. He books week to week, and giving away my time next week doesn't mean it's given away forever. If I don't take the timeslot, he needs to fill it because this is his livelihood. If he was the other sort of therapist, where a client in effect reserved a certain time period until therapy ended, it might be different.
> Their point of view is of necessity different.
> I wouldn't take it as a sign she wants you to quit.
> My therapist has been angry with me many times. But we've worked through it. If she's been a good reliable and helpful therapist, and if you think you it isn't yet time to terminate, that you two are able to work through this.
> Do you think that some part of this issue is about power? That you might be angry with her for responding as she did initially, and giving away your time, and you need her to act now in a certain way in order for you to come back?
> It's certainly understandable. But my experience with my therapist is that I never ever can gain that sort of power. The relationship just isn't set up for it. He'd likely refuse to respond as I wished, if it wasn't how he'd ordinarily respond, if only because he would think it wouldn't be good for me therapeutically.




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