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Re: Distressed and depressed on several fronts

Posted by rskontos on March 14, 2008, at 11:13:24

In reply to Re: Distressed and depressed on several fronts LlurpsieNoodle, posted by ClearSkies on March 14, 2008, at 9:39:50

ClearSkies, I am not sure if sharing this will help but to just show that sometimes children through no fault of the parents will choose what they choose. My stepmother's daughter who is certainly old enough to know better has too choosen the use of drugs and thought it would be manangeable and has been in detox so many times I have lost count. She has just gotten out of prison now twice. She decided to help one of the husband's or boyfriend's sell the drugs and got caught or was in the wrong place at the wrong time. (depends on whose version you believe nevertheless there was enough evidence she was convicted. each sentence was longer.) And she lost custody of her children over it. My stepmother recieved custody as the children's real fathers (yes the two girls had different dads and neither of them were willing to take them). And still the girl cannot clean up her act. Two prison terms and she is not allowed by the court to see her children as a result. It is sad to me how low she has sunk in this addiction. She has received counseling, de-tox all the help she can get, and still lost her children. Gone to prison, yet still has not lost the desire to turn to drugs. It is hard to understand the hold the addiction has on her. I don't think or rather I know my stepmother doesn't truly understand all of it and just raises the children and probably enables her. At some point, though the girl involved is around 36, she has to be the one to break it, she has the help needed but the cycle is still is not broken. My sister was done visiting not too long ago, she said she saw her and thinks she is doing drugs again. My stepmother denied it when my sister asked. Which since my sister at one point did them she would know better than my stepmother. The fact she can hide it from her mother doesn't help, IMHO

Anyway, my point is no matter how hard everyone around them tries, it remains an issue at the core for the person at the heart to want the help. I know how much help this woman/girl has received from her mother my stepmother and her exteneded family, it is breaking their heart that she keeps going to prison, not jail but actual prison because she can't or won't try to stop and stay stopped. She has been in several abusive relationships as well.

I, also remember a presentation I had by a man that worked for the American Red Cross who had an addiction to Alcohol and Cocaine. He estimated he snorted up his nose 2 million dollars worth of cocaine, suffered 3 grand mal seizures, lost his wife, and children before he decided it was time to get clean. He said he was lucky he did not die. He hit rock bottom before finally decided to kick everything. He said he could not have one beer, he would have 24 -30. He said that when his wife finally left him taking the children and re-marrying it finally set in, damage he had done with his addiction. And he got clean. Now she never came back, but he did clean up his act and stayed clean. But he said it took HIM decided to do it.

I truly hope for your stepdaughter's sake she will decide she is worth it and does it.

But for your sake and your H's don't beat yourself up over. You can only try to support her. But there is a reason that Tough Love is sometimes the only thing that works for addiction. The man I told you about said he and his ex-wife are friends again and she told him it was the hardest thing to do was to walk away and leave him knowing he might die left alone.

My heart goes out for both of you in this struggle of watching a child struggle in a web of addiction . Try and take care of yourselves and each other if you care.





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