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Re: Greetings from my cave

Posted by annierose on March 3, 2008, at 10:56:55

In reply to Greetings from my cave Daisym, posted by Racer on March 3, 2008, at 9:38:37

Daisy -

It's so hard to think of the words to use, since they all feel so empty. You deserve more. You deserve better.

My first thought was similar to Racers. But I don't know your mother and don't have much of a sense of the type of person she was and is.

It did sound like she does "know" on some level but can easily dismiss it in her mind because your sister isn't reliable. But maybe I hear the opposite too. Maybe she is also asking, "Did it happen to you too? Because then I would believe it to be true." I don't know. No one knows really but your mother. And you have a better sense of her beliefs more than anyone.

You posed an interesting and PERFECT question. I admire that so much. Here this delicate situation comes up and you have the resolve to ask her in effect, "Do you really want to know?"

And her answer is so darn sad and "unmotherly", "NO". She wishes beyond hope that if she can pretend everything was alright than it is okay. And it's not.

It's okay to be angry with your mother. And it's okay to be angry with your t too. Maybe you are practicing what being angry and talking about it feels like.

I wished you called me and shouted and yelled and screamed and cried. I still would not have found the right words to make it all go away, but I can listen and be angry and sad with you.

We both are in long term psychodynamic therapies for a reason. We need to learn to trust the relationship and receive the caring, nurturing, protective feelings they willingly give to us.

Love, me

 

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poster:annierose thread:815878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/815929.html